I hear cool quotes every single day, so I thought I would create a page about them.
- “We all pay for sex one way or another. Atleast hookers are honest about their price.”
Lie To Me – S01E01
- “He made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. He assured him that either his signature or his brains would be on the contract.”
The Godfather I
- You don’t have time, you make time
- Note to self: Women are disposable pleasures
- I see dumb people
- Never put off tomorrow what can be put off today.
- Don’t steal. The government doesn’t like competition.
- People with bubbles don’t like people with needles.
- Ouvre ta bouche. Je vais garer mon zizi.
- What is the same with having sex in a Kanu and finnish beer? They’re both fucking close to water.
- I’m democratic, I just ignore everybody in the same way
- Sheep are fluffy, sheep are cool. I love Google, I’m a tool!
- Sign outside a church: “Not every question can be answered by Google.” I say bollocks.
- Girls on a sofa with their clothes on is not a party, it’s a gathering.
- Wife and dog missing. Reward for dog.
- Trying is the first step towards failure.
- Women. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
- Getting your girlfriend to agree to try anal isn’t made any easier when you tell her how willing your last girlfriend was.
- A friend of mine just got charged for rape. Which is a shame, because I would have raped him for free.
- How do you know when your sister is having an orgasm? She stops struggling.
- They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That’s not as bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death.
- If she screams NO twice then it is no longer counted as rape. Two negatives make a positive.
- My penis reminds me of a chinese finger trap, the more you struggle the harder it gets.
- My mate said “If I screwed your missus and got her pregnant, would that mean we were family?” I said, “No, but we’d be even.”
- A chav got hit and killed by a lorry outside my house today. I thought “That could have been me”. But I cant drive a lorry.
- I only smoke after a meal – so far, I’m down to 20 meals a day.
- I hate people who take drugs. Like the police and customs officers.
- Ran into my ex today. So I slammed it in reverse and ran over the bitch again.
- What would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does? We’d get paid every day and all the women would bleed to death.
- Took my girlfriend home to meet my family. My wife was fucking furious.
- I have just recovered from swine flu that I got from my ex. That will teach me not to fuck pigs.
- I understand you teachers are sadly underpaid. Well, I’d like to do my part, can I buy you dinner?
- “It’s ok to kiss arse sometimes, as long as you don’t lick your lips.”